Minnesota Singles Scene by It's Just Lunch

Dating Karma

It's true - what you put out is what you get back!  Whether you believe in the whole principle of karma or not, the idea behind it makes sense.  If you are constantly thinking you're too fat, too skinny, too old, too poor, too stupid, or too anything to attract a love match, chances are you probably won't. 

If you believe there are only jerks, gold diggers or messed up freaks out there, these are the people you will meet.  If you think dating is a complete waste of time, then it will be!  Negative thoughts produce negative results.  It becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.

If this sounds like you, then make a promise to yourself to stop RIGHT NOW!  When you catch yourself in a negative thought, give yourself a little pep talk.  Say, "stop", and turn the thought around to something more positive.  Give yourself a compliment about one of your strengths.  You get the idea. 

Boost Your Self-Confidence and Sex Appeal!

Do the following for yourself...try these six boosters to improve your self-confidence and sex appeal.

• Stop measuring yourself against others, especially celebrities or fashion models.  Recognize that  you are a hot ticket with a unique set of qualities and attributes.  If you believe you are special, you will attract a partner who appreciates what you have to offer. Tell yourself "I'm great just the way I am" or ""I'm exciting" or "I'm lovable".  You are!  This kind of pep talk helps imprint positive messages into your brain and eventually will change your outlook.
  
  Remember, the very characteristics or behavior that turns one person off may turn another person on.  Don't waste your time with people who don't recognize what you have to offer.  Learn to love yourself for everything you are and everything you're not.  When you like who you are, people will naturally be drawn to you. 

• Surround yourself with people who treat you with the love and respect that you deserve.  If you have people in your life who are overly critical or negative, weed them out.

• If you're not happy with the way you look, treat yourself to a new look.  Join a gym and build self confidence.  You'll feel like a million bucks.  Dress and act your best at all times, because you never know when you might run into someone special.  When you look good, you feel good too.

• Step outside your own boundaries.  Join a club, take a dance class or stand-up comedy class, go horseback riding or parachuting.  Push through your fears, and you'll find yourself alive with confidence.

• Finally, date more.  As you handle all the different situations you come across, it will reinforce positive feelings about yourself and boost your confidence in your dating ability.

At the end of the day, everybody could use a little improvement.  But nobody's perfect and no one ever will be, so you have to balance your desire to be all you can be with your willingness to accept who you are. 

Why June is THE month to join IJL!

1.) Promotion!

June is IJL's 19th Anniversary and we have a promotion to celebrate! Want more information? Call a first date specialist today!

2.) We Are Experts in What We Do

We have been exceeding client's expectations for 19 years and we are responsible for thousands of marriages and serious relationships. We are a leader in the dating industry and truly do change the lives of our clients!

3.) It's the Beginning of Summer

It's a great time to join IJL and meet someone great to enjoy the upcoming summer season with! There are so many fun things to do in the city, but what makes them even better is to share it with someone special!

4.) We Make Dating Fun

We make it so easy for our clients to meet someone great! We personally select all of their matches and take care of all of the details so that their only focus is to show up and have a great time-it just doesn't get any easier!

5.) There's No Time Like the Present

It's a great time for new clients to take that first step and become proactive about their dating life. We hear time and time again how happy clients are once they make the decision to join IJL and leave the work to the experts!

First Date 101

We came across this article by Molly Triffin, and as first date specialists, we wanted to share her tips on "how to totally rock a first date". Enjoy!

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How to Totally Rock a First Date

Nothing invites bad advice like a first date — wear this, say that, and don't under any circumstances say that — all with the aim of captivating a guy you're not even sure you like ... yet.

Not only are those so-called rules the opposite of fun (and isn't having fun the point here?), but they also can end up backfiring. Who wants to seem stiff or eager to please because you're following some lame set of guidelines rather than just being yourself? Which — trust us — is always more appealing than any script.

"The best strategy for a great first date is to go into it with the goal of simply enjoying yourself, instead of harboring an agenda to win him over," says Lionel Tiger, Ph.D., a Charles Darwin professor of anthropology at Rutgers University and author of The Decline of Males. "That way, you'll also come across as tenacious and carefree, which are intrinsically attractive qualities."

Live in the Now
If you and this guy clicked when you met, it's tempting to leap into the future mentally — could he be The One? Stop right there and rein in your expectations or you won't have fun.

"If you place too much importance on the encounter, you'll spend the whole evening evaluating how it's going and stressing about whether you'll see him again," explains Sheenah Hankin, PhD, a psychotherapist in New York and author of Complete Confidence. "This prevents you from fully experiencing what's happening in the present." That also means you're not as engaged — or engaging — as you could be.

Remind yourself that it's only one evening, and then just relax and let go. "A first date is an experiment," says Tiger. "Adopt the laissez-faire attitude that it might work out or it might not." And, hey, even if the sparks ultimately aren't there, the night's not a wash. You'll probably come away with new insight or an interesting story to add to your repertoire.

Be Disarmingly Honest
It goes without saying (doesn't it?) that this does not mean telling him about the weird conversation you had with your ex last week or divulging that you're PMSing. But if you talk to a guy with the same unguarded ease you have when chatting with a pal, you'll loosen up and things will flow better. "It ensures the date won't seem like a job interview," adds Hankin. So recount a funny moment that happened at work earlier in the day or describe a crazy experience that a friend of yours recently went through with an ex-boyfriend.

We naturally trust and feel closer to people who are open, according to Hankin. She suggests trying a technique called negative revelation: Research has shown that disclosing a minor weakness of yours (that you have a fear of heights, for example) makes others like you and feel comfortable around you because they see you as more human.

You could even admit, lightly, to getting a little nervous on first dates. Putting it out there helps him identify with you, diminishes any awkwardness, and — strangely enough — makes you seem more confident because you're not afraid to cop to it.

Go a Little Wild
Flaunt your fearless personality — think singing along to your favorite song while in the car with him or suggesting that you sneak into the VIP area if you're out at a bar.

"Being outrageous shows you have passion and character," explains Hankin. "And the fact that it's an unexpected way to behave on a first date drives up the neurotransmitter dopamine in his brain and yours, making you both feel happy and energized." Fun, excitement, a little rule breaking — now that sounds like a recipe for a rockin' first date.

Try This Trick to Connect Instantly — with Anyone
It's the most intuitive thing in the world: a subliminal body-language move called mirroring, in which you subtly copy a person's stance and gestures. "Echoing someone fires up the cells in his or her brain that are involved in feelings of empathy," says Marco Iacoboni, M.D., Ph.D., author of Mirroring People. "These neurons signal that the two of you are in sync." It works whether you're impressing a new boss or charming a dinner companion.

Do this on a date: Mirroring is most effective when it happens unconsciously, so get absorbed in the conversation. You'll probably begin naturally aping his movements, like leaning toward him when he leans in. Tip: Notice whether he is mimicking you too; if so, it's likely he's into you.

When imitating someone, don't be too exact or it can appear contrived — e.g., if a guy picks up his wineglass, wait a beat and then lift your glass with the opposite hand.

Mirror neurons respond to sounds as well, so experiment with matching your cadence and tone to his. For example, if he speaks faster than you do, accelerate your tempo a bit.

6 Foods Not to Order the First Time You Go Out

1. A messy plate of spaghetti with tomato sauce
2. Escargots with butter and garlic
3. Deep-fried anything
4. A salad with low-fat dressing on the side
5. Three-bean chili
6. Barbecued chicken wings

 

 

"Never without a chance would we have met outside of IJL"

Adam and Angela, a recent IJL success story are getting married this weekend. They share their story with us and we couldn't be happier for them...we love a great story in our office and they have a great one to share!

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IJL: What was your background prior to joining IJL?

Adam: I was divorced with no children and had recently joined the National Guard. I was meeting people through friends and not having much luck. I had been training for the military for several months and acting assistant manager of a retail store.

Angela: I was divorced with no kids and using online dating services since bars and friends are not good sources for me. I was working as an in-house attorney for a construction contractor and just finished building a house and was on winter break from an MBA program.

IJL: What were your fears prior to joining?

Adam: My fears was that I would not find anyone that would understand how I see the world. To me, it is an adventure with excitement everyday. I thought that I was destined to burn up every relationship that I would meet. Secondly, I was fearful of the backlash I would get from my friends and family. There was some hesitation and resistance to the idea that I "needed" a dating service to find someone. What ultimately tipped the scales was the quality of people I was meeting. I knew that IJL had access to people more in line with my direction.

Angela: That I would end up some lonely dog lady, living alone in a small town with only my work to fulfill me. I decided early on in being single that I was not going to try the bar scene as a way to meet my future partner; it didn't fit the mature, professional profile I was looking for. After trying online dating, I was almost sure I was better off alone.

IJL: What ultimately made you come in for an interview?

Angela: I am the kind of person that doesn't give up easily without trying all the reasonable options. When your faucet leaks, you call a plumber. When you need new tires, you see a mechanic. Those people get paid to do their work because they know how to do it. Perhaps the same is true for matchmaking. I obviously wasn't having any luck on my own, so what could it hurt?

IJL: Describe your first date.

Angela: The first thing I noticed about Adam was the combination of his eyes and smile. Both were so big and energetic that I wasn't quite sure what to make of it. The conversation was easy and didn't feel forced or strained. He made me laugh. Before we knew it, 2 1/2 horus had passed and we hadn't ordered dinner yet! It took us another 1 1/2 hours to get through our meals, and then another 15 minutes or so to take care of the check before he walked me to my car. I couldn't quite put my finger on why, but I knew I should see him again.

Adam: The first thing I noticed about Angela was her striking beauty. After a few open-ended questions, conversation was flowing normally. Many stories were told that night about family, past relationships, and expectations. Dinner had come and gone and the night was winding down. I knew there was more to her and I wanted to see her again. Despite my calm, confident best assumptive close, I was nervous as a freshman the first day of high school. I got out the words "When do I get to see you again?" The rest is history.

IJL: When did you know she/he was the right one for you?

Angela: After spending 10 weeks apart, I flew to South Carolina to see his graduation from basic training. This was a 2-day event at the end of training, with Thursday as "Family Day" and Friday as the actual graduation. Family Day was magic. On a military base with thousands of people, I felt as though we were the only two people in the world. As we walked outside the commissary after having ice cream, he told me he wanted to marry me. He wasn't specific about when or how, so I didn't expect it to come anytime soon. But, I didn't flinch, not even for a second. That's how I knew he was it.

Adam: I was away at basic training and hip deep in Army life. By this point I was thoroughly convinced that Angela was going to keep her promise and write me a letter everyday. We had bared our souls in these letters, trying to convey emotion in each written word. Through our campaign we came across my demon, money. I had turned much of my financial struggles around but was still far from where I wanted to be. She sent me a letter that fully disclosed her financial situation. To me it was more than just numbers on a page, it was vulnerability. I knew she was the one for me when I sat miles away in a barracks and felt accepted for the man I am.

IJL: Do you think your paths would have crossed without IJL?

Adam: Never without a chance would we have met outside of IJL.

IJL: What was your favorite part about dating through IJL?

Angela: Brenna and Stephanie were very receptive to the feedback I had given them about each of my dates. They didn't give up on me and got closer to the mark with each person they introduced me too.

IJL: Tell us about the proposal!

Adam: After graduation from basic training, we took a week-long vacation from North Carolina to Washington D.C and then to Chicago before returning home. We traveled by Amtrak between Charlotte and D.C. It was while on the train that the proposal started; I caught Angela off guard by opening a website with wedding rings. For a moment her breath escaped her. Since I was fresh from basic training, I had no ring, but now I had an idea. A couple weeks after we returned home from vacation, I had a ring specially designed. And on April 10th, I asked Angela to marry me.

Best Wishes Adam and Angela from the Minneapolis IJL Team, we enjoyed working with you and wish you a happy marriage! 

 

IJL Team Outing

The IJL Minneapolis team at the Sex and the City 2 sneak preview event hosted by Dress for Success.
 

Let's Celebrate!!

So, we know our blog posts haven't been as frequent as we'd like (and we love keeping you posted on the latest dating news, advice and success stories) but we have a good reason...we've been celebrating here in our Minneapolis office!

Every June, we celebrate our Anniversary and this year, we are celebrating 19 years in the matchmaking business. We are celebrating with a promotion in our office...plus, it's one of the busiest months, too. We think it's just the time of year...the weather's warmer, everyone is thinking of dating!

So, while we keep busy matching our new clients, coordinating dates and adding more hearts on our relationship wall...join our celebration! Call us today and start dating tomorrow!

Weekly Question with a Dating Coach

Q: What is the best way to ask someone out on a second date?

Stephanie: I always recommend that my clients make plans on the spot, before the first date ends. At the end of the date, you might ask him/her if they'd like to "do this again soon." And do not leave it at that..ask "When are you free?" (pick a few days that you are available). "I would love to see you next week...how about Tuesday or Friday?" This shows your date you are busy and have a social life, but are excited enough about them that you want to get your date on the calendar. Since your first date was lunch or drinks after work, I suggest doing something different for the second date. Get outside! Go to a sporting event, play miniature golf, walk around the lake and grab ice-cream or take a cooking class. Get to know each other in a fun, interactive environment!

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Looking for more information? Email Stephanie, Minneapolis Dating Specialist today at stephanie@ijlmidwest.com

The results are in! What do Twin Cities singles think makes the best first date?

It's Just Lunch surveyed Twin Cities singles to find out what they think about first dates. Over 45% of singles think that meeting for a cocktail is the best first date followed by grabbing a coffee. Take advantage of this warm weather and enjoy a cocktail on the patio or rooftop! Having trouble deciding on the perfect place? Most singles say that meeting at a trendy new restaurant is their favorite type of restaurant, followed by an Italian or a hole-in-the-wall. (Remember, part of the fun of dating with It's Just Lunch is checking out our great restaurant partners...your guaranteed to be going to the best places in the Twin Cities!)

The weather is getting warmer and summer is right around the corner! What's the best summer date idea? Attending a concert or a local event, checking out Target Field for a Twins game or a trip to the lakes all rank high. But save dinner and a movie for winter...only 7% of Twin Cities singles prefer that type of date during the summer.

Don't forget to dress to impress! 60% of Twin Cities singles say that the first thing they check out is their date's clothing. And don't forget to floss and brush those pearly whites, teeth and smile ranked in second!

So, the date is going well and you're interested in seeing the person again. Now what? What signals do you give? Giving your undivided attention (silence your cell phone!) and paying a compliment to your date are two ways that will guarantee your date knows your interested.

Weekly Question with a Dating Coach

Q: Do normal people really use your service?

Tiffany: Of course! I work with an amazing group of successful, dynamic, well-rounded, and yes, normal people. What these individuals share is the desire to meet someone incredible in an efficient, low-pressure way. My clients do not have time to waste at the bar or maintaining an online profile, so they call me to take all the work out of their dating life so they can fast forward straight to the fun part!

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Looking for more information? Email Tiffany, Minneapolis Dating Specialist today at tiffany@ijlmidwest.com